Making the most of NO!vember

Sorry. My heart says yes, but my schedule says no.

For the majority of my life, I’ve been a YES man. I remember seeing the 2008 film with Jim Carrey and thinking, “That’s me!”.

I’m not sure if it was because of FOMO, or because I’m a people pleaser and didn’t want to let others down, but I recently heard a quote that resonated:

Do you want to be liked now, or respected later?

Breaking this down, it simply means if we spread ourselves too thin, it becomes more difficult to master a skill or become an expert in a certain domain.

For example, let’s say you have a natural gift for humor. People enjoy spending time with you because you’re funny. You get invited to events and social gatherings because you have a knack for making people laugh.

Now imagine if you harnessed that natural talent and started practicing stand-up comedy in your spare time instead of just going to the bar with your buddies. They may not like your decision in the moment, but what if you end up becoming a famous comedian? Then surely you would be respected for your decision.

As I grow older, I’ve realized that it’s impossible to please everyone and do all the things. I’m trying to get better at picking and choosing where to devote my time.

Derek Sivers approaches all his decisions with the following heuristic - Either Hell Yeah! Or No. He reminds us: “We’re all busy. We’ve all taken on too much. Saying yes to less is the way out.”

How to gracefully decline

Some people think saying “no” is rude. Don’t fall for that.

Saying “no” just means that you are clear on your goals and values. It means you have your priorities in order and you know what you want.

It’s good to spend time alone and be with your thoughts, especially if you’re in the creative field. The good news is, there are ways to graciously say “no” to people.

Austin Kleon put together this handy scrapbook of polite rejection letters. It’s nice to see how high-level individuals handle these situations.

The founder of Hubspot created this email template to decline requests. Not only is it funny and entertaining, but it also includes helpful resources to make up for the fact that he is saying “no” to whatever they requested of him.

I’m not saying you have to craft a witty reply to respond to every request that comes your way.

This is just to get the wheels turning on how to politely say “no” to people.

I find the templates useful because they make the decision non-personal.

Since it’s a rule you apply to everyone, there’s less of a chance that the other person will feel offended. That being said, don’t ever dwell on what other people think about your decision.

You made up your mind, and chances are they’ve moved on before you have. Let it go.

People don’t think about you nearly as much as you think they do. We’re more concerned with ourselves than we are with others.

Final thoughts

When you start saying “no” with intention, you feel a sense of JOMO instead of FOMO. I find that winter is the perfect season to implement this practice. With summer behind us, the cold weather and shorter days make it easier to be a recluse.

Take some time these coming months to fill up your cup, so that later you can pour into others.

And if you want extra tips around this topic, then I recommend signing up for Jason Chatfield’s NO-vember Challenge. I love that he created an entire newsletter around this idea.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Charles Dickens, rejecting an invitation from a friend:

“‘It is only half an hour’ — ‘It is only an afternoon’ — ‘It is only an evening,’ people say to me over and over again; but they don’t know that it is impossible to command one’s self sometimes to any stipulated and set disposal of five minutes — or that the mere consciousness of an engagement will sometime worry a whole day … Who ever is devoted to an art must be content to deliver himself wholly up to it, and to find his recompense in it. I am grieved if you suspect me of not wanting to see you, but I can’t help it; I must go in my way whether or no.”

Remember, the math of time is simple: you have less than you think and need more than you know.

Until next time my friends.

<3 B

P.S. - I’m not advising you to become a hermit for the rest of your life. I just want to bring more awareness to your decisions and encourage you to act intentionally. This is more of a reminder to myself than anyone else.