I completely agree with you, Brian, when you write:
"This is why it boggles my mind when someone says “where you live doesn’t matter” and that the key to happiness is to just “work on yourself”.
Place matters. Where you live matters. It plays a massive role in your day-to-day social interactions and your overall well-being. I don’t have to go out of my way to meet with friends, it just happens as a bi-product of me going about my day"
Where you live makes a huge difference in your life!
It’s wild how much our environment shapes us. Some places make it effortless to be active and eat healthy.
Being surrounded by fit, driven people creates this light unnoticeable pressure to level up. It’s like your baseline expectations shift just by being there.
Weather also plays a role. In warm, sunny places, you want to be outside. Maybe you even realize that you don't need much to be happy.
Compare that to a cold, grey city where the default is staying indoors, eating comfort food, and buying whatever just to enjoy some dopamine.
Where we live isn’t just a backdrop, it’s a constant nudge in one direction or another.
This! One of the most striking things I’ve noticed after moving to a small town in CO this past week is just how many community focused spaces are here. The town is small - only about 2 streets of local businesses and restaurants - but almost every day at least one of them is hosting an event aimed at getting people together, and because everything is so accessible by walking, people show up! Such a stark contrast from life in Chicago, where there’s a ton of accessibility, but no call to engage with one another. It is amazing what place can do for our sense of belonging.
Sounds like you found a gem of a town! What's the name, I'm curious. I want to do an essay where I highlight places in the US that have this kind of community oriented vibe.
Great piece and so much of what you write here is true. I wonder what you think it would take to get a bit of the European feel in the US? Is is fundamentally impossible because of our built environment and our culture? I wrote a bit about this in a piece about the "human doom loop" that suggests that our physical environment is atrophying as we prioritize online life -- I think you might have seen it Brian, but sharing in case other readers find it interesting: https://thenewurbanorder.substack.com/p/the-never-ending-lockdown
I loved that essay Diana, big fan of Dror's work as well.
I definitely think it's possible to create spaces in the US that have a more EU feel. When this topic comes up I think of these old photos showing how congested and car centric Amsterdam was and how it's been transformed into the cycling capital of the world:
The Reddit commentary was pretty rich. I agree with whoever wrote that most of the US doesn't have the urban fabric of Europe. Philadelphia where I live actually does have some potential to be significantly more pedestrianized. But the truth is that even in Philly, most of our building stock is less than 100 years old. Europe is just older and it invites a different set of circumstances -- very small retail, very small streets. The bigger question is how to create a culture that values things like having lunch with people. I remember studying abroad in Paris and having roommates from France and Guadeloupe -- they found it totally pathetic that I would eat a sandwich for lunch by myself. It just wasn't done. They spent much of their Sunday cooking and then eating a meal together -- even if they also did have a TV they watched in the background! But of course it was a social commentary show. Where do we do stuff like this in the US?
You’re so right man. Kinda a viscous cycle: everyone is busy, tired enough to not make extra effort to be social, so we isolate and do the individual thing which makes us feel like we’re busier and have even less time.
Glad to hear these dispatches from Europe. America could definitely learn something from a society that’s been around ten times longer
Well said, Brian. Sadly, without the will to prioritize a stronger social fabric, we won’t see the infrastructure change. Individuals will continue to be shamed for feeling lonely, rather than acknowledging that it is an inevitable consequence of our culture in the US.
On the bright side - I do see a growth of developers in the US trying to build new human scaled communities, I'm compiling a list of these places and will be making posts around them :)
Sorry to say this, but here in Spain when you see grandparents and grandchildren together is often due to the parents of the kids exploiting their own parents as babysitters, for free. Not always, but often. I see it all the time. That said, I recently realised that when I lived in the US (20+ years) I hardly ever saw very old people in public spaces. I think it’s important for younger people to see and interact with the elderly, once in a while. Here’s hoping it could help with ageism that permeates our Western society
For sure there will always be exceptions, but are the parents of kids really "exploiting" their own parents by having them watch the grandkids while they go to work?
I don't think so, it's family, that's what family is for, I think the grandparents enjoy spending time with the young ones.
I really noticed this traveling through Europe. Plazas, squares, playgrounds and even entire halls and gyms open to the public. Literally everywhere!
Of course some places were setup better than others (Copenhagen, Bergen) but in general the culture feels less individualistic there compared to the US
I think a missing piece is that work life balance has gotten increasingly poor over the last 20 years as well. More families are working 50-70 hour work weeks. We’re expected to be available at all times now, and the cost of living has drastically increased as well. The combination of this along with everything you mentioned as well is a recipe for what we see now.
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
"In Spain (and much of Europe), towns and cities are covered in public plazas and squares where every generation can be seen hanging out." This is SUCH a typically US-perspective once again. We are just as lonely and TV-bound as you are in the US. Stop idealizing the EU. We don't hang with boomers in "public places" of which there aren't many. Thanks.
I live in a great neighborhood in Baltimore, but the cold and the winter have everyone locked up indoors. I’m dying for spring to arrive so I can see people outside again on a walk in the neighborhood or to school or to the store.
I have long wondered if that was the issue, that they're just aren't enough cool places to hang out, and that's what's making us antisocial. It's certainly the case where I live, on Koh Phangan. Everyone just hangs out in their homes or villas. There aren't enough restaurants and community spaces. And I noticed that in the UK also when I went for a visit last year. Everyone was blaming covid, but how long can we continue to uphold covid policies?? 😅
I completely agree with you, Brian, when you write:
"This is why it boggles my mind when someone says “where you live doesn’t matter” and that the key to happiness is to just “work on yourself”.
Place matters. Where you live matters. It plays a massive role in your day-to-day social interactions and your overall well-being. I don’t have to go out of my way to meet with friends, it just happens as a bi-product of me going about my day"
Where you live makes a huge difference in your life!
Appreciate the kind words as always Clarice, I know you're quite fond of Spain as well ;)
Yes!
It’s wild how much our environment shapes us. Some places make it effortless to be active and eat healthy.
Being surrounded by fit, driven people creates this light unnoticeable pressure to level up. It’s like your baseline expectations shift just by being there.
Weather also plays a role. In warm, sunny places, you want to be outside. Maybe you even realize that you don't need much to be happy.
Compare that to a cold, grey city where the default is staying indoors, eating comfort food, and buying whatever just to enjoy some dopamine.
Where we live isn’t just a backdrop, it’s a constant nudge in one direction or another.
I absolutely agree with you, Pablo.
This! One of the most striking things I’ve noticed after moving to a small town in CO this past week is just how many community focused spaces are here. The town is small - only about 2 streets of local businesses and restaurants - but almost every day at least one of them is hosting an event aimed at getting people together, and because everything is so accessible by walking, people show up! Such a stark contrast from life in Chicago, where there’s a ton of accessibility, but no call to engage with one another. It is amazing what place can do for our sense of belonging.
Sounds like you found a gem of a town! What's the name, I'm curious. I want to do an essay where I highlight places in the US that have this kind of community oriented vibe.
Great piece and so much of what you write here is true. I wonder what you think it would take to get a bit of the European feel in the US? Is is fundamentally impossible because of our built environment and our culture? I wrote a bit about this in a piece about the "human doom loop" that suggests that our physical environment is atrophying as we prioritize online life -- I think you might have seen it Brian, but sharing in case other readers find it interesting: https://thenewurbanorder.substack.com/p/the-never-ending-lockdown
I loved that essay Diana, big fan of Dror's work as well.
I definitely think it's possible to create spaces in the US that have a more EU feel. When this topic comes up I think of these old photos showing how congested and car centric Amsterdam was and how it's been transformed into the cycling capital of the world:
https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckcars/comments/1e9g37t/we_cant_change_our_city_is_not_amsterdam_well_so/
The Reddit commentary was pretty rich. I agree with whoever wrote that most of the US doesn't have the urban fabric of Europe. Philadelphia where I live actually does have some potential to be significantly more pedestrianized. But the truth is that even in Philly, most of our building stock is less than 100 years old. Europe is just older and it invites a different set of circumstances -- very small retail, very small streets. The bigger question is how to create a culture that values things like having lunch with people. I remember studying abroad in Paris and having roommates from France and Guadeloupe -- they found it totally pathetic that I would eat a sandwich for lunch by myself. It just wasn't done. They spent much of their Sunday cooking and then eating a meal together -- even if they also did have a TV they watched in the background! But of course it was a social commentary show. Where do we do stuff like this in the US?
You’re so right man. Kinda a viscous cycle: everyone is busy, tired enough to not make extra effort to be social, so we isolate and do the individual thing which makes us feel like we’re busier and have even less time.
Glad to hear these dispatches from Europe. America could definitely learn something from a society that’s been around ten times longer
Always appreciate your thoughtful comments Martin, looking forward to an in-person hang if you're ever in Barcelona!
Yeah man!
Well said, Brian. Sadly, without the will to prioritize a stronger social fabric, we won’t see the infrastructure change. Individuals will continue to be shamed for feeling lonely, rather than acknowledging that it is an inevitable consequence of our culture in the US.
On the bright side - I do see a growth of developers in the US trying to build new human scaled communities, I'm compiling a list of these places and will be making posts around them :)
Sorry to say this, but here in Spain when you see grandparents and grandchildren together is often due to the parents of the kids exploiting their own parents as babysitters, for free. Not always, but often. I see it all the time. That said, I recently realised that when I lived in the US (20+ years) I hardly ever saw very old people in public spaces. I think it’s important for younger people to see and interact with the elderly, once in a while. Here’s hoping it could help with ageism that permeates our Western society
For sure there will always be exceptions, but are the parents of kids really "exploiting" their own parents by having them watch the grandkids while they go to work?
I don't think so, it's family, that's what family is for, I think the grandparents enjoy spending time with the young ones.
yup. we’ve been slowly conditioned. divide and conquer.
Leroyyyyyy Jenkinssssss - he knows a thing or two about dividing and conquering 😂
YES! As an urban transit planner I’ve been shouting these points to anyone who will listen.
Thank you Kim for all the work you do in the Urban Planning world <3
Where are you based out of? Any interesting infrastructure projects that I should look into?
I really noticed this traveling through Europe. Plazas, squares, playgrounds and even entire halls and gyms open to the public. Literally everywhere!
Of course some places were setup better than others (Copenhagen, Bergen) but in general the culture feels less individualistic there compared to the US
Totally - it's just because most of EU cities were built pre-automobile but hoping US can course correct and build more human oriented places 🤞🏼
In Taiwan, I wrote a short piece about third places, loneliness and the role of convenience stores. Maybe you find it interesting https://www.pablomusumeci.com/p/alone-together-how-konbini-fight :)
Right up my alley - thanks for sharing Pablo!
Every single human having access to an addictive, insidious digital device defo doesn’t help, does it.. 😢
I think a missing piece is that work life balance has gotten increasingly poor over the last 20 years as well. More families are working 50-70 hour work weeks. We’re expected to be available at all times now, and the cost of living has drastically increased as well. The combination of this along with everything you mentioned as well is a recipe for what we see now.
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
check us out:
https://thesecretingredient.substack.com
"In Spain (and much of Europe), towns and cities are covered in public plazas and squares where every generation can be seen hanging out." This is SUCH a typically US-perspective once again. We are just as lonely and TV-bound as you are in the US. Stop idealizing the EU. We don't hang with boomers in "public places" of which there aren't many. Thanks.
This post was mostly meant to highlight an urban design difference. That’s not idealization, it’s observation. Thanks.
I live in a great neighborhood in Baltimore, but the cold and the winter have everyone locked up indoors. I’m dying for spring to arrive so I can see people outside again on a walk in the neighborhood or to school or to the store.
I have long wondered if that was the issue, that they're just aren't enough cool places to hang out, and that's what's making us antisocial. It's certainly the case where I live, on Koh Phangan. Everyone just hangs out in their homes or villas. There aren't enough restaurants and community spaces. And I noticed that in the UK also when I went for a visit last year. Everyone was blaming covid, but how long can we continue to uphold covid policies?? 😅