Where do we ‘hang out’

The decline of Third Places

One of the contrasts I’ve noticed between the U.S. and other countries is people just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.

It’s a lost art. Since television and the internet came around, people spend more time at home than in public places. I see so much discussion around anxiety, depression, loneliness, isolation, the list goes on and on. There’s a social crisis happening and I’m not sure if prescribing young people more antidepressants is the solution.

We’d be better off addressing the root cause. The reason people feel lonely and isolated is because our built environment sucks.

Just makes you wanna go for a stroll, no?

There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history where people spent more time on their own than we do now. Our obsession with single-family homes and big backyards has turned us into an “I’ society instead of a “we” society.

Ever since the post-war exodus to suburbia, leisure and entertainment have become privatized. Instead of getting out of the house and socializing with strangers, people choose to sit with their nuclear families in front of their devices.

Herein lies the paradox: In much of the U.S., we’ve gotten so used to lacking walkable public spaces that it makes it difficult to articulate what’s missing.

The solution: Third Places (that aren’t franchises)

Source

Let’s start by labeling the “places” in which we spend our time. According to sociologist Ray Oldenburg, we can divide it into three categories:

• First Place: Home

• Second Place: Work

• Third Place: Anywhere that’s not home or work

A third place to which one may walk allows people to “get out of the house” without getting into a car and contributing to traffic congestion. - Ray Oldenburg

Studies show that we’re increasingly spending more time in our First and Second places, and not enough time in Third Places. It’s gotten worse ever since the pandemic. With the rise of companies transitioning to hybrid and remote, the First and Second Place have started to blend into one.

This is why Third Places are more important now than ever. There lies a certain magic in these “in-between” places.

They are the places where people can come and go as they please. There’s a low barrier to entry and no one is required to play host.

Unlike the home and workplace, everyone is of equal status. People are mixing from all different socioeconomic backgrounds with no real hierarchy. (lawyers chatting with plumbers, etc)

This is one of the most interesting aspects of Third Places, they act as “levelers”.

The location of the home and the nature of the workplace keep us in regular contact with people similar to us. But in Third Places, when people with different backgrounds, talents, skills, and viewpoints come together, this expands possibilities, leading to plenty of opportunities for serendipity and unplanned interactions.

Third Places also unite the neighborhood. Bonds are formed and people learn who can be counted on for what. If someone can lend a helping hand or advice, they will.

The issue I see in much of the U.S. is that fast-food chains and franchises have replaced local cafes, pubs, and diners. Instead of parks and town squares, we have parking lots and strip malls.

Any copy-and-paste highway stop

It’s because suburban sprawl causes us to be more spread out from one another, making it more difficult for local Third Places to stay in business.

There’s also this absurd law known as “loitering”.

Whereas in most other countries, this form of casual hanging out in public places is encouraged, we make it illegal. Many of us, including myself, have been conditioned to have an attitude towards public spaces that says:

“This is not mine, I have no responsibility for this. The city pays people to take care of these places.”

Which is why our Third Places look like this:

Washington D.C.'s McPherson Square

So what’s the bigger meaning?

Having somewhere to hang out other than work or home correlates with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

The First Place, our home, fulfills our fundamental physiological needs while the Second Place, work, fulfills our safety needs.

The beauty of Third Places is that they provide us with levels three and four:

Belonging & Self-esteem.

“That essence is their ability to entertain themselves in an abundance of public places where they may do so daily and at little cost and no discomfort. We may sneer at their simple ways, but when all is said and done — they enjoyed life and gave human relationships higher priority than making a buck.” - Ray Oldenburg

Maybe you’ve heard someone say the “highlight” of their day was bumping into so and so at XYZ place? It’s been shown that these casual, unexpected encounters give us a spike of serotonin, better known as the happiness hormone.

This happens to me multiple times a day in Barcelona. I notice the joy I feel after these casual run-ins with friends, neighbors, and other acquaintances. There are dozens of coffee shops, bars, parks, and plazas all within walking distance, and having lived in the same neighborhood for about four years, I recognize familiar faces.

I have no desire to doom scroll IG or binge Netflix because every time I walk downstairs I feel like I’m “refreshing the timeline” of my neighborhood. There’s always life in the streets with people hanging out and enjoying themselves.

It’s made me realize how important this type of spontaneous mixing is, it gives me that sense of community and belonging.

Baluard is the coffee shop I frequent most often, the barista is this guy Adrian, he starts preparing my order before I say a word. I sit down to read, write, and check emails. The lady who owns the flower shop next door comes in around the same time as me. We smile and nod, acknowledging each other’s presence.

Sometimes Adrian and I meet in the plaza after his shift to play ping pong together. Our other friend Gibril owns the bike shop across the street and when he sees us playing he joins as well.

This is an important component of Third Places. Having an activity or game for people to engage in helps stimulate connection and conversation. Think cards, darts, billiards, these games all help facilitate dialogue between those present.

Laurence Wylie, Professor of French Civilization at Harvard University wrote about life in the little French village of Peyranne. He commented on a group of men playing boules in front of the local café:

“The wit, humor, sarcasm, the insults, the oaths, the logic, and the ability to dramatize a situation gave the game its essential interest.

Spectators will ignore a game being played by men who are physically skilled but who are unable to dramatize their game. They will crowd around a game played by men who do not play very well but who are witty, dramatic, shrewd, in their ability to outwit their opponents.

Those most popular players, of course, are those who combine skill with such wit.”

We live in a time where it’s easier than ever to stay inside our homes and resort to our digital devices for entertainment. But if we just tell people to “spend more time in the real world,” it won’t last long if the real world sucks. We have to make it engaging.

This means we need to stop building neighborhoods that look like this:

Real photo of Henderson, Nevada

Let’s go back to building places that give us a reason to get off our screens and connect with the people around us¹.

I’m not saying hanging out more will solve all our nation’s problems. But I do think the social fabric would improve if people spent a little more time with other people and a little less time scrolling a curated feed.

Until next time my friends.

<3 B

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1. I’m working on a piece about the future of Third Places - if you have a favorite Third Place that you frequent please let me know in the comments below, k thanks :)